Ship of Fools Part III - Chapter 25
Murder Penguins
[Start at the beginning of the novel: Prologue.]
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Welcome back to Ship of Fools, my satire about a science journalist trying to make sense of conspiracy theorists, flat-earthers, moon-landing deniers, New Agers, and more.
Part III: Investigations
Having failed to find any type of ice wall or the edge of the Earth at the end of Part II, Sarge has allowed Liz to seek logistical support from an Antarctic tour company. In this chapter, she finds the task comes with some fringe benefits.
“SO, CLIMBING the ice shelf didn’t work out, eh?” Sven Nordquist’s intense blue eyes gazed out at Liz from the laptop screen, but the crinkles around them reflected his smile.
As the lead guide at the Union Glacier base camp, he was her main point of contact with Amazing Antarctic Adventures. She’d been corresponding and chatting with him for over a week now, ever since she’d first reached out to his company in hopes of arranging an expedition at the last minute, just in case she could convince Sarge it was in his interests.
“We didn’t even get close.”
“What did you think you’d find again?”
“The edge of the Earth, of course, guarded by UN patrols. Oh, and the bottom of the dome of the firmament where it meets the Ice Wall.”
Sven shook his head and snorted.
“Wait,” she said, “are you sure you aren’t one of those UN troops yourself? I mean, you are Swedish, and that sounds pretty UN to me. I bet you’ve got a blue helmet hidden somewhere off screen where I can’t see it.”
He laughed, a sound she loved to hear, since there hadn’t been much laughter during the trip thus far. Dawa’s usual cheerful smile was the most she’d seen of any type of mirth.
“You’ve found me out,” he said. “I’m a European Union spy, and we lure rich Americans down here so we can arrest them for violating the Antarctic Treaty.”
“What happens to them then?”
“We feed them to the man-eating penguins, of course. A secret weapon of ours.”
“But what about innocent reporters?”
“Usually we let them go, but now that I’ve let slip about the murder penguins…” He drew his thumb across his throat, smiling.
When they’d both finished laughing, he asked, “But really, does this Sergei really believe all this bullshit?”
“I used to think he was just a charlatan in it for clicks and video views. But now that I’ve spent more time with him, I’m convinced he really believes all of it. Or did believe it. Now that he’s seen what’s here, he’s having some sort of personal crisis. And it’s partly because of me.”
“You? Why?”
“I don’t know if it comes through on these video chats, but I can be pretty relentless.”
He narrowed his eyes at her. “No, I can see that.”
“Oh? Well, good, I guess? But anyway, I think I posed too many questions he couldn’t answer. And then he staked everything on finding that ice wall. He assumed it would just be obvious that it encircled the Earth, rather than the ocean encircling an icy continent.”
“But nothing is obvious down here, is it?”
“No, it’s completely disorienting. Beautiful, but like a maze once you get into all the icebergs. And he won’t trust GPS. So if we turn around now, it will just be inconclusive, and what kind of article will I have? I need him to keep going, actually get him onto the continent. Even then, I don’t know that he’ll be convinced, but I can make it clear to my readers what we saw.”
“And what then?”
“Then it will be about the imperviousness of deeply held beliefs to new information. Sometimes I wonder if we don’t all suffer from that.”
He gazed out at her from the screen for a moment, and she wondered what he was thinking.
Logistics, as it turned out. “Well, you’re in luck. We had a couple of cancellations on our upcoming Ski the Last Degree trip. We also cut one of the guides, so there’s room for Tenzing, as long as he takes responsibility for the two of you.”
“That shouldn’t be a problem. He seems very capable.”
“There’s only one, how do you say, hitch? We need to get you to our Penguin Camp at the foot of the ice shelf. Your ship can’t take you all the way.”
“No problem, we’ve got that chopper, if you can convince Jerry it’s a safe flight.”
“We’ll give him all the coordinates and instructions he needs.”
“And we’re good with the treaties and the travel guidelines?”
“You’ll be under our permit, and I have a raft of information and releases to send you. The main thing is, stay away from the penguins…” He flashed that grin again. “Especially the man-eating variety.”
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How will Sarge react when the expedition finds no ice wall and no edge of the planet in Antarctica? And of growing importance for Liz: will Sven be just as attractive in person as he is via satellite internet?
Next up: Chapter 26, “Rock of Ages,” in which Reverend Paul faces further challenges from Herrada, not just to his core beliefs but to his self-concept as a moral human being.